Kiddonomics

One good thing about the reduced working hours I suffered at the hands of the recession—plenty of time to think about careers that are bubble-pop proof. Of course I read articles in The New York Times and Wall Street Journal, but the real ah-ha moments hit me at the playground, where amid the slides and swings was a constant flow of lost, dropped, and broken items that would surely need replacing. I had always known that baby gear is pretty much always going to be in demand, but given the amount of product loss in certain categories, I’m ready to launch a business that will succeed endlessly. Well, as long as we don’t arrive at the state of society in the film, The Children of Men. So, here are the businesses already coming to life in my head, if not a shopping street near you:

The Single Sock Shop, where you can replace a missing sock rather than tossing the one you have. It’s green, it’s unique. The inventory isn’t complicated—a few styles, a simple color palette. Calling all venture capitalists.

Used Ball Boutique, where parents might have a chance at finding their lost orb and getting it back for a small handling fee, or they can replace their lost bouncer with another found ball in the collection. Only one person need staff the store, but I will have to hire a team of ball catchers.

Toy Trauma Center, where missing wheels get replaced, cracked parts get glued, and battered dolls can get limb transplants. I don’t need a medical degree, just a big bottle of Gorilla Glue, screwdrivers, and a wide-variety of battery sizes. The hospital will recycle dead toy batteries as a part of its green initiative, and encourage the families of patient to consider organ donations once their children are done with a particular toy.

Low-Jack Bottles, a purveyor of sippy cups, sport bottles and baby bottles equipped with chips that make tracking their whereabouts from your own PC easy. Able to work even when the bottle in question is beneath the slide, hidden in a tree trunk, or, deep inhale, is secreted away in another parent’s stroller because it’s a fancy aluminum one. Standard bottle can be retrofitted with the system at a modest fee.

Single Shoe Shop, an off-shoot of the single sock shop, featuring a selection of found shoes as well as new shoes so generic they’ll work well-enough with the one shoe left in a precious pair. Certainly a nice sneaker with a big O on the side pairs up nicely with a New Balance shoe. And heck, it spells “No,” every toddler’s favorite word.

Binky Vending Machines, located in every playground across the nation, insert 50-cents, get a new pacifier to mollify the child who spat their prior one into the bushes, onto the dirty floor of the park bathroom, or at a dog good at baptizing everything with its wet nose. Product selection will also include single Cheerios, pretzels, and cheese puffs to replace that one special one that fell on the ground, got snagged by a sparrow or squirrel, and has left your child despondent, despite the fact that you have a whole bag full right there.