Introducing the new MTA workout for parents

A 12-step (per flight of subway entrance staircase)program for parents who find they no longer have the time to go to the gym. Program costs $2.50 for a single workout; $91 for a monthly membership.

1)Plan trip somewhere using an MTA subway map.
2)Be sure to bring your baby. The additional 6-12 pounds of a newborn add an element of weight-training that naturally increases in challenge as your offspring adds a pound or two each month.
3)Walk several blocks to train station.
Descend down 2-3 flights to train, carrying the baby either in a stroller to add an additional 11 pounds or so to your workout. Baby Bjorns and Baby Ergos are for wimps.
4) Arrive on train platform to find that the train is not running due to construction, sick passengers, brake-pulling pranksters, or some other reason that you can't really discern thanks to the Charlie Brown Teacher-style audio system.
5) Head back up the flights of stairs and either walk or bus a mile or so to another train line. Extra bicep bonus points if you take the bus, since it requires you to fold the stroller and carry it in one hand as you carry the baby in the other.
6) Upon arriving at alternate subway station, descend 2-3 flights of stairs.
Get on first train to arrive. Stand. Not just because it burns extra calories but because no one is going to offer you a seat. Well, a 90 year-old man or a one-legged woman might, but you just can't accept.
7) Hang on for dear life to the poles, letting the braking motion of the train stretch your one arm and the ricochet motion of the stroller stretch the other.
8) At each station, move stroller in just about every direction as you try to allow people by you, only to find that you are blocking others. This speedy motion should get you up to about 12 reps of tricep work per station.
9) Arrive at your destination. Head up first flight of stairs only to find it leads to a locked-off exit. Descend again. Roll up and down platform in search of way out. Finally find a stairway leading out. Pick up stroller, and hold on tight as other exiting passengers bump and jostle you as if you weren't there. Upon going up the first two-steps, hear someone offer to help you. You have to decline as trying to shift the weight while your standing on your 7-inch step seems risky and strenuous.
10) Get to top of stairs and land on sidewalk. Victory! Only since this wasn't your first-choice train line, you're still 9 blocks from your destination.
11) Roll along, weaving in and out of pedestrians, many of whom are so busy texting you have to pivot frequently building good ankle strength. Burn even extra calories crossing the street several times to avoid cigarettes dangling from hands dangerously close to baby's head.
12) Get to your destination. If it's a store for you, the baby will immediately cry, so turn around. If it's a play-space for them, they'll be asleep and you can't wake them up. So, just go home.

Average calorie burn: 600
Average duration: 2 hours